You Need to Take Care of Yourself First

I can't tell you who or what I am fuming about, but I am fuming. There comes a time in everyone's life where you have just had enough. I was at that place only minutes ago and this is my way of decompressing. I hope you don't mind.

Image: Wendy via Flickr

All my life I have only wanted to do good things for others. I do my best to help people as much as I can and I go out of my way to attempt to make the lives of other people better in some way. I would often sacrifice what was best for me in order to please someone else.

After my early 30's meltdown, I decided that I had to stop this behaviour. I burned out at the expense of myself. I had to stop doing what I should do and instead choose to do what I want or need to do for me.

That was a tough transition for me. I felt selfish, self-centered, self-important and self-absorbed – at first. Over time I realized that it was healthier for me to acknowledge that my needs had to come before the needs of people around me. It was only then that I could be my best self for others.

Circumstances change so drastically throughout our lives, that one moment everything is going smoothly and the next, the proverbial crap hits the fan. We adjust, adapt and swing into problem solving mode to get things done and taken care of. It is often during this chaotic time that we get out of balance, once again.

Although I have come to detest the word -- balance -- it is the most accessible word that is coming to mind right now. I like to think of it in relation to driving a car. If all of our tires are in alignment and equally inflated, we will have a much smoother ride than if we have a tire that is low on air.

Being out of balance, whether spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically or relationship wise is like driving through life with something off-kilter. We tend to feel that there is a problem, even though we are still able to keep going, but at some point, the issue requires immediate attention.

If we wait too long to address the problem, it will cause damage in other areas. Although I can't believe that I allowed myself to get so completely out of balance, once again, this is the moment that I am committed to fixing it.

When my intuition tells me something, I need to pay attention. When the hairs go up on the back of my neck, I need to listen. When my body is begging for a rest, I need to stop. When my mind is overwhelmed and I start to feel grumpy, I need to figure out why. When my emotions are at their limit, I need to decompress.

We know what the problem is, if we actually take the time to listen to our thoughts, our words and our body. We have all of the answers to our woes. The difficulty is stopping long enough to reflect, decide and then act.

Today, as I was driving in my car, about to boil over with anxiety, I reflected on what was really bugging me. It was feeling disrespected. I was feeling that I was not listened to. I was feeling taken advantage of.

I have gone out of my way to help this person, over and over again, given every last bit of energy that I had, ignored the exhaustion that my own body was feeling and did it all with the intention of making them feel better.

In that moment I decided that it was going to stop. I cannot necessarily change what someone else says or does, but I can change what I am willing or not willing to accept.

I decided what I would no longer do and what I expected of them. I expressed my feelings in a stern and assertive way and identified my future expectations. I also stated that if the individual was not able to do what I needed of them, they would have to make decisions that would allow them to be independent of me.

This may have been hard for this person to hear, but I needed to say it and follow through. There is power in this process and I feel better already. I hope you are able to recognize your limits and then do something about it. You may feel better, too.