You're Not Made Of Sugar

It finally rained In Los Angeles

Last night after consuming far too much sushi, I looked outside my window and saw that it was raining. Finally. I don't know if you have heard but Los Angeles has been having a bit of a drought and we are kind of being made fun of for it. I immediately put on my big North Face jacket and sneakers and went on a walk.

In first grade my class read "Rain, Rain, Go Away", a short story about how the seemingly perfect family the Sakkaros become neighbors with this other family, the Wrights. The Wrights don't understand why the Sakkaros constantly avoid contact with water until one day it starts pouring unexpectedly and the Sakkaros family melt away and the Wrights realize it is because they are made of sugar. It was from that day forward I was determined to never use an umbrella unless I had to, so the world would know I wasn't made of sugar. Ironically, I think I own about 5 umbrellas.

So here I was walking in the rain and as the water got heavier and heavier, I realized to some I must be looking like some crazy person. Who willingly decides to get up from her warm comfy couch and a How I Met Your Mother marathon, to go walking in the rain without an umbrella- this girl.

Image: Alpha via Flickr

Life has been going very well but of course, the confusion in regards to my love life had turned me into this person who felt as if she was on an endless roller-coaster. The highs were very high and the lows were very low- I was in this delusional state of mind that the constant back and forth were butterflies when the reality is, I was just enjoying the ride because since about 3 years ago, I was haven't fallen in love. I wouldn't say I am addicted to love, but when you are in love its like the rose colored glasses make everything easier.

When I was little I always wanted the greatest love story- I can't be the only one who thought it would be adorable if I ended up with the boy I had a crush on in third grade and then we would meet at a reunion and realize we were right there all along. Or maybe it would be the guy who was completely wrong for me but for some reason with me it all made sense. As a writer I could come up with thousands of plots that would make things far more romantic then "I swiped right" but in the end, does it really matter?

Going back to the Sakkaros, I wasn't made of sugar and I started to wonder why I had been avoiding the unexpected rain in my reality- I have survived far worst things and yet here I was avoiding a puddle because I was afraid I was going to lose it. Perhaps the greatest love story of all time, the only one that truly matters, is the one that you have with yourself and the first step to a healthy relationship, communication.

Having an honest conversation with yourself can be harder than having a conversation with someone else- because then you have to live with the reality. It was right then and there in the rain I deleted phone numbers I didn't need in my life anymore- it was time to let go of what I saw in my mind could have been and embrace the fact that by letting go I was one step closer to the real thing.

Taking people for who they are is tough- accepting your own needs when everyone else tells you that you're crazy is tougher. Giving yourself permission in world where others are telling you its impossible is the task that seems borderline impossible. I sometimes think we listen to other people so we have somewhere to place the blame if it doesn't work out- but listening to our own gut means we have to face the consequence if things go wrong.

Caution tape is an illusion and peoples' opinions are just barriers they aren't the rules to how to lead a fulfilling life. So whatever your gut is telling you, listen to it. I would rather be seen as crazy and living life on my own terms then being confined by what others thought of me. Whether it means telling someone how you feel, demanding that raise at work or letting go of what no longer serves you purpose... or even deciding to go on a walk in the dark in the pouring rain, I promise you, unlike the Sakkaros, a little rain won't make you melt; You will survive- you aren't made of sugar darling.