Thursday, 31 December 2015

Avoid Fitness Faux Pas With These 10 Tips From an International Etiquette Expert

Now that the holidays are over, many of us will be heading back to the gym to burn calories, strengthen our core and start the New Year. Whether you're an exercise newbie, fitness buff, or seasoned athlete, it's important to recognize that the exercise and fitness community have subtle etiquette.

For example, swimmers coexist in close proximity in lap lanes, pacing and passing smoothly without saying a word. Cyclists worldwide not only maneuver among cars, they also share the road with each other - communicating with phrases and gestures that are as much a part of their community as their bikes and helmets.

So why has so much been written in recent years about the etiquette challenges in our fitness facilities? We have all had experiences that we have gone home and talked about, from overly friendly co-exercisers to embarrassing perspirational moments. Even personal trainers admit it can be an intimidating experience to return to the gym. Whether you are an exercise novice or a fitness buff, avoid a gym faux pas. We've put together our top 10 tips to ease your re-entry and make it just that much more enjoyable for you and your fellow gym members.

1. Fitness Attire. Be sure your athletic attire covers what needs to be covered and fits properly. Certain barre, core strength, and Pilate's exercises require work on a bench or the floor. Be sure that bottoms are not so loose as to be revealing when you are bending over or prone. Be sure running and cycling pants do not become see-through when the fabric is stretched tight. Wear a proper sports bra and clean athletic shoes. Learn the fitness facility boundaries for sport-specific athletic shoes, such as spin shoes.

2. Fragrance Fail. Don't forget antiperspirant. Avoid perfume and heavy make-up while working out. If a fellow exerciser's fragrance is overwhelming, visit with the front desk, email the club, or slip a note in the suggestion box. Arrive clean and wearing clean clothes, not covered in golden retriever fur from bathing your dog!

3. Explore the Facility. Before your first set, explore. Returning to the gym? Learn the layout to increase your self-confidence and create mental energy. Walk around like one of the 'regulars' who knows the answers to the following questions: day care options, services offered, hours most crowded, location of towel and antibacterial wipes, water, and restrooms.

4. Introductory Session. Be honest and ask yourself: Do I know what I am doing? If you are unsure about the equipment or how to get started, one of the best things you can do is hire a personal trainer for a few sessions to get started in the right direction. Don't feel obligated to enroll for a yearlong class. Keep in mind that the vast majority of personal trainers do not offer free sessions.

5. Noise. Remember, people are there to focus on their workout--and they don't appreciate distractions. Keep the personal music in your earbuds tuned to an acceptable level so that only you enjoy the music. People focusing on their routines do not appreciate singing, karaoke, personal smartphone conversations, or loud discussions in the fitness facility.

6. Respect. The only person who should correct another's form is a personal trainer or a gym employee. Working out is a great place to meet people; however it is not a singles club. If you wish to mingle, wait for a cue (such as a shared smile) to strike up a conversation. Don't be a bore and overshare how well, or poorly, you are doing with your workout or diet. Too many people go on for too long when discussing diet or fitness. For long gab sessions, invite your friend to go grab a coffee after your workout.

7. Mirrors. Many people watch themselves in the mirror to monitor form and execution. If a weight or machine is in front of someone performing a set, it is polite to wait for them to finish. Avoid selfies, primping, and preening in front of the mirrors--you don't want to be known around the gym as that guy or girl.

8. Perspiration & Anti-bacterial Wipes. Make an effort to wipe the equipment before you sit down and when you finish, regardless of whether you perspired. Many fitness facilities provide anti-bacterial wipes or towels to wipe down mats and machines when finished, especially at the end of a class!

9. Share. Cooperation is the key here. While resting between sets, avoid lounging like a lizard on the machine. Allow others to work into your sets, and ask politely if you wish to 'work in.' Return equipment such as BOSU balls, mats, and bands. Unload weight bars and re-rack free weights--leaving weights on the floor is unsafe and may cause others to trip. Don't hog the machines--limit exercise on cardio equipment to 30 minutes during peak hours. Turn off any electrical equipment that you used such as the elliptical TV, lights in the BMI room, or portable fans.

10. Locker Rooms. Since this is shared space for a large numbers of people, don't drape your personal items all over the bench while you're changing. Place clothing directly in your locker or gym bag. Be sure your cell phone is turned off or to 'silent' when you are in the gym or exercising (including when placed in the locker). Remember to clean cosmetics from the counter. And the biggest locker room faux pas of all--don't walk around naked; the majority of people feel a little uncomfortable being so close to someone who is baring it all!

Minding your gym manners will help with your fitness goals and confidence in the New Year. We like to think we're not only exercising our muscles, but also exercising the kind of manners that make the gym a better place for everyone.

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5 Types of Texts to Send to Your Partner Every Day

Researchers Lori Schade, Jonathan Sandberg, Roy Bean, and Sarah Coyne found that texting between partners could either help or hurt a relationship. For women, using texts to apologize, work out differences, or make decisions was associated with lower relationship quality. For men, too-frequent texting was associated with lower relationship quality.

On the positive side, they found that using text messages to express affection actually enhances relationships and creates a stronger partner attachment. Sending a loving text was even more strongly related to relationship satisfaction than receiving one.

Researcher John Gottman found that, for a relationship to be stable, there must be five positive feelings or actions between partners for every one negative feeling or action. Consistently engaging in positive interactions makes it more likely that your relationship will survive and even thrive amidst stress, conflict, and challenges.

One way to build positives is through text messages, like these 5 types that will increase the goodwill between you and your partner.

5 Texts to Send to Your Partner Every Day

Compliment

“I love your enthusiasm for life!”

“You’re great at getting our kids out the door in the morning. Thanks for getting them to school on time.”

“You’ve got the best smile.”

“You’re really balancing work and home in a great way. Thanks for managing your work so you can spend some quality time at home.”

“You’re a fantastic cook. I love this new lasagna you made.”

Thank You

“Thanks for doing all that laundry last night. I know you were tired.”

“Thanks for being so accommodating when my friends stayed over this weekend”

“Thanks for being so organized and signing the kids up for their spring activities already”

“Thanks for shoveling our snow as well as our neighbors’ sidewalk.”

“Thanks for that nice card you gave me on my birthday. It meant a lot to me.”

Fond Memory

“I was thinking about that time we went to Chinatown for dinner a while back. Wasn’t that a fun night? We should do that again soon.”

“Thanks for the laugh last night. I really needed that.”

“I had so much fun with you at last year’s New Year’s 5K. Let’s do that again.”

“I borrowed my mom’s record player so we could listen to some old tunes like we used to.”

Curious Question

“So here’s the question of the day – if you had to pick one state other than the one we’re in now to live for a year, where would it be?”

“If you had to pick one spot that you love the most in this city, what would it be?”

“If you had to write a magazine article right now, what would it be about?”

“What movie would you want to see that’s out right now?”

Sharing a Bit of Joy

“You should have heard our son reading today – you would not believe how many words he’s learning!”

“I had the best time hiking in the woods with our daughter. We even saw a deer and her face just lit up when it crossed our path.”

“The new customer signed on at work – so excited!”

“I’m sending you this photo of our baby laughing over me peeling a banana. He just made my day.”

“I’m having a great time with my friends. It’s just like old times. Thanks for taking care of our kids so I could come out tonight.”

Copyright Erin Leyba, LCSW, PhD.

Erin Leyba, LCSW, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Joyful Parenting, is a counselor for individuals and couples in Chicago's western suburbs. On Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/erinleybaphd/?pnref=lhc(link is external) or www.erinleyba.com

Louisiana couple's message about love is inspiring thousands

The Monroe, Louisiana, pair wore matching T-shirts — with Mrs. Bell (for her) and Mr. Bell (for him) etched on the back.

More: Man wishes old girlfriends a Merry EX-mas and all hell breaks loose

"Me and my husband, we are a happy couple, so we did silly poses with the photographers," Tynedria told Good Morning America. "He [photographer Keyston Harris] uploaded them on Facebook."

Tynedria Bell 1

Tynedria Bell 1

The happy photos — including one where Tynedria is giving Pendarius a piggy back ride — were meant to be a keepsake for their family, but the photos went viral on social media after they were posted online. The reason: The Bells don't fit the "typical" idea of what a couple should look like because Tynedria is plus-sized while Pendarius is thin.

But so-called norms don't fit the pair, who has been together for eight years and married for four. Tynedria and Pendarius are in love — and now they are inspiring others.

More: The sweet thing one man does nightly for his diabetic girlfriend

“I got all these messages, saying ‘They say plus-size women don’t have any hope in relationships, but if we could do it, anybody else could do it.’ Some said it inspired them to keep pushing when they were thinking about giving up,” Tynedria told The News Star, adding that she's received several thousand messages and friend requests over the past few days.

Tynedria Bell 2

Tynedria Bell 2

One woman told Tynedria that the "fact that you all don’t mind taking pictures, doing silly things and posting them online is amazing. This is a beautiful relationship and I am truly happy for the both of you.”

"Just last night I was telling my aunt I'm never gonna find love because of my weight," another follower wrote. "You and your husband inspired me to know there's someone out there for me. Thank you."

And it's about time. We've made strides toward being a more size-accepting society, but there's still a rather large stigma that questions why a man would want to date a woman who weighs more than him. Those who do are viewed as fetishists or "chubby chasers," when that is definitely not the case for many men in love with plus-sized women. People of all sizes deserve to be and feel loved and not have it questioned or dismissed.

More: Man text-proposes to girlfriend while stranded at Chicago O'Hare

All of the positive messages make "me feel excellent," Tynedria told GMA. "When I was young I was so negative and now I see people looking up to me. For the people that didn't have faith in themselves, they didn't need me to boost their ego, but I thank God that they paid attention to me to help do that. They have nothing more to hide or have to be depressed, or stressing. Everybody's got to be loved."

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

I Want to Adopt and Become a Single Parent Someday

I have loved children since the day my brother was born many, many ago and I danced around him to keep him entertained. ( I have the video to prove it.) I started babysitting at the age of thirteen and now eighteen years strong I have taught preschoolers, been an infant teacher, coached girls cheerleading/basketball, and became a director of a youth basketball league.

Baby mobile, Image Credit: Shutterstock

My calling was to educate them, nurture them and make them feel loved no matter the limitations or their family background. Every child that has stepped in my classroom has been treated as if they are my own and I make that my first priority. I make sure that each child knows that they are loved , they can do wondrous things and that no matter race, religion, or how much money is in their bank account, should have any effect on how they are treated.

Just like any single woman, I have found that finding a mate who will respect me, care for me, be loyal and honest, is just an impossible feat these days. As a writer of mostly dating and relationship advice, I tell everyone that the reason it is so hard to find someone who wants you to be their first and only choice, is because everyone thinks meeting someone online is the answer and its just too "easy." No one has to put forth the effort anymore. If the relationship doesn't work, no problem, they'll just go back online and find another victim. My vision when I graduated high school twenty years ago was simple and it didn't involve dating men from online sites! I wanted to get married, have four kids and a career that was enjoyable and satisfying.

As I hit a milestone birthday in 2016, I see that my vision is not going to happen; and that is okay. While on Facebook about a few weeks ago, someone posted something that merely was talking about how women should feel less of themselves when they get their periods and they haven't become moms yet. That outraged me. That also made me start seeing just how little information is out there on social media about adoption.

Adoption has always been in the back of my mind for the last ten years. To me, you don't have to give birth to be a mom, just like sperm doesn't make a man a father. To be a parent, takes a whole lot more than just giving birth.

In 2013, Americans adopted 7,092 children from abroad. The total number of intercountry adoptions from 1999 to 2013 was 249,694. According to UNICEF, approximately 13 million children have lost both parents. In the United States alone, approximately 140,000 children are adopted by families in the United States each year. There are between 1 and 2 million infertile and fertile couples and individuals who would like to adopt. 33% of children adopted are adopted by single parents.

The process itself, isn't as clear as everyone thinks it is, since adoption laws vary from state to state. This is where the problem lies. People see and hear how frustrating, overwhelming, and sometimes expensive adoption can be, and they back away from it as quickly as possible. There are many misconceptions about cost, which can range from $3,000-$30,000, depending on what type of adoption you do and also what agency you use. Some adoptions, believe it or not, are free.

On average, a child will wait three years in foster care awaiting adoption. Maybe if information was more readily accessible, the wait period would lessen and more children would be adopted. A growing number of companies and government agencies offer adoption assistance as part of their employee benefit packages, including time off for maternity/paternity leave, financial incentives and other benefits. Plus, prospective adoptive parents do not have to be rich, married, own a home, or be of a certain race, religion, sexual orientation or age to become an adoptive parent. The “cookie cutter family” image that the media seems to be displaying is totally off centered and needs to change!


Some mommies grow a baby in their heart instead of their tummy. That doesn't make a woman any less a mom. There is nothing greater than the unconditional love a child give you. Every child, planned or unplanned is a blessing. There is no greater feeling in the world than when a child wraps their arms around your neck and says I love you. And one day, it'll be my child who'll be saying that to me.

www.stephaniedolce.com

Sources:
http://erlc.com/article/5-facts-about-adoption
http://istandforlife.org/index.php/resources/adoption-facts
http://www.parents.com/parenting/adoption/facts/

http://www.unicef.org/

Mob Wives Season 6 brings back the original cast with new drama (VIDEO)

Mob Wives: The Last Stand is coming back with lots of drama, chaos and fighting.

The Wrap shared an exclusive trailer showing all that we have to look forward to when the show comes back in January 2016.

More: Mob Wives' Karen Gravano extends an olive branch to costar Victoria Gotti

mob wives trailer

mob wives trailer

The original cast is back: Renee Graziano, Karen Gravano, Drita D’Avanzo, Big Ang and Carla Facciolo. They’re joined by two new faces: Brittany Fogarty, the daughter of known gangster John Fogarty, and Marissa Jade.

In addition to lots of cursing, calling people rats, discussing the sins of their fathers, talk of "the lifestyle," threats to f*** people up and actual physical fighting, fans of the show can expect a huge showdown between Drita D’Avanzo and the rest of the cast. D’Avanzo screams, “I’ve been too nice too long," and "I'll f*** them up."

More: Mob Wives canceled after Season 6

D’Avanzo is also writing a memoir, which causes problems with her ex-husband, Lee. He won't sign a disclosure for her tell-all autobiography because he's worried about details of his criminal past. Naturally, D’Avanzo isn't ready to back down.

Big Ang, the glue that holds this volatile group together, is facing her own cancer battle and troubles with her man. She needs to focus on her health, which causes more chaos among the rest of the group.

The two new cast members, Fogarty and Jade, are primed to join the drama amid threats of beating each other up. Jade says, "Don't f*** with a Staten Island girl."

More: Mob Wives' star Big Ang reveals she isn't completely cancer-free

There's even a catfight between most or all of the women, causing security to jump in. I hope security got hazard pay for their inevitable scratches and bruises because it looks like it got rough.

Mob Wives: The Final Stand airs a two-hour premiere on Jan. 13.

Everlane now lets you pick your own price for clothes

For the sale, Everlane has a few dozen items marked down to one of three different price points. Pick which price you want to pay, put it in your cart and it'll be delivered in just a few days.

More: How to tuck non-skinny jeans into boots

"Sometimes we love a design so much that we overproduce it. We’re getting better at predicting demand, but to move overstock, this week we’re letting you choose your price. Enjoy," the company writes on their product pages.

It sounds great on the surface, given that some of the brand's best products — like the The Nubuck Street Shoe — are part of the sale. But what you don't realize until you pick a price is the passive-aggressive way the company attempts to shame you out of paying the lowest of the three. "$0 to Everlane. This only covers our cost of production and shipping," a little dialog box explains. Pick the middle of the three and you get this message: "$16 to Everlane. This helps cover production, shipping and overhead for our 70-person team." Pick the highest sale price and the company lets you know that they get "$45 to Everlane. This helps cover production, shipping, our team and allows us to invest in growth. Thanks!"

More: Why meteorologists around the country are all wearing the same dress

Companies have costs; we get that. Why even offer the different price points at all? Just do what every other company does and offer one clearance price. But our more cynical side says they were looking for attention — mission accomplished.

What they might not realize, however, is that the whole thing might backfire. In 2004's The Paradox of Choice, psychologist Barry Schwartz argues that giving people too many choices leads to anxiety and actually inspires them not to act — meaning not purchasing anything at all. So, faced with three choices — with the accompanying guilt for wanting to save money — I opted not to purchase the Italian Ankle Strap sandals I've had my eye on for months. Why? I didn't want to pay more, but I felt bad about picking the lowest price because it felt like I was somehow stealing from the company, even if they are giving me the choice.

More: Gucci made me go from loathing to loving pleated skirts

I'll just stick with one-price clearance sales, thanks. But if it does appeal to you, act fast: The sale is only going on for five days.

The sweet thing one man does nightly for his diabetic girlfriend

But he doesn't only show his love with monetary gifts. The Pensacola, Florida, man stays up until 4 a.m. each night to check his diabetic girlfriend's blood sugar levels. He opts to take on the duties so she can get a good night's sleep.

Kylle Cota video

Kylle Cota video

"I just do [this] because I worry about her constantly," he said of why he does it. "I guess it is a little weird, but I love her."

More: What I learned from going to a sex party with my boyfriend

That is love.

He recently recorded his nightly blood sugar check and uploaded the video to Facebook, where it was shared by another page on Dec. 27. The video went super viral and has racked up over 20 million views in less than three days, which have attracted comments both praising and criticizing Cota.

"The true meaning of loving someone. I do the same with my husband as he's diabetic and I have a wake up routine through out the night to check on him and his sugar while he sleeps (sic)," one woman commented on the video.

More: Man text-proposes to girlfriend while stranded at Chicago O'Hare

"I have type 1 diabetes. You see what he is doing is not to be kind or nice, it's to make sure that she will actually wake up the next morning. Having a low blood sugar is not fun and can result in seizure, fainting, coma, even death. Hats off to him for taking amazing care of his girlfriend," another commented.

But others thought his sharing the good act was just a way to get attention. "If you brag about your good deeds, they don't count," one man wrote.

Thoughts on the video aside, it is a sweet gesture to do for a loved one — and his girlfriend, Kourtney Reid, is very appreciative of what he does. "It warms my heart seeing these comments!" she wrote.

More: How I mastered the art of the one-night stand

Tara Reid's bikini selfie rudely bashed by her followers (PHOTO)

Tara Reid was having a great vacation until she posted a bikini selfie with her sister in the hot tub.

tara reid skinny selfie

tara reid skinny selfie

Reid captioned the photo, "Spa day with my sister @collreid in Palm Desert."

More: Tara Reid's vacation pics fuel concern and nasty comments (PHOTOS)

At first, her fans complimented her. @smithon30a wrote, "You are so beautiful @tarareid."

But then, soon enough, the haters jumped on the post to shame Reid's body.

@peter_wolfinger commented, "Not hating at all... just... you need to eat." Actually, that is hating.

@_chilito jumped in on the action with, "Weird boobs."

More: Tara Reid posts racy nude photo on Instagram (PHOTO)

@lhadyfranco said, "Very ugly!!" Because it's so beautiful to tell a stranger she is ugly.

@stacyy77 commented, "Gross Tara... like for real! You are so beautiful!! Go try some weight building proteins gril! Please before you shrink up all together and die (sic)!!"

@lizzyplute, "She looks like death warmed over. Not cute at all. All u see is bones."

@jamieywolb, "She needs to get her boobs done again."

More: Jason Biggs on Tara Reid's body: WTH is going on there? (VIDEO)

But all of the hate seemed to backfire, as Reid's fans rushed to defend her. The most poignant comment came from @the_holychild.

"I can't believe how much hatred is on this post! These girls are both beautiful and are just siblings trying to enjoy a relaxing spa day with good company. Just because someone is a celebrity doesn't make them any less human or make it okay for you to shame their body types. All of these comments say nothing about these women's external beauty but instead are very telling of the commenters' lack of internal beauty. @tarareid - do whatever makes you happy and healthy and don't let anyone bring you down in the process. The rest of you? Make it your resolution to start spreading POSITIVITY. XO (sic)."

I couldn't say it better myself. Stay strong, Tara Reid. Ignore the haters!

5 Tips to survive a New Year's alone as a single mom

In the three years since my divorce, I have had my children for one New Year's Eve. It was amazing! I loved it. But the other two have been hard on me. This year, alone again as most of my friends are out of town with their own families this year, I am determined to get through the long days and short nights feeling as awesome about my life as I do when my kids are here. I know I can do it... I just need a plan.

1. Go work out

Currently addicted to CrossFit, I know I can work out every day this week. Whatever you do, even if it is a walk around the block, getting up and getting out, even if it is cold and snowing and seemingly impossible, can elevate your mood dramatically. This is a great time to take up a new routine and to prioritize yourself for a more positive new year. Plus, you will sleep better, and it passes the time in a productive way.

2. Call old friends

There are so many people I have lost touch with over the years. I tend to hang around my friends in my neighborhood that have kids too as my social circle. But I have amazing friends who are also single that I don't see very often that would be up for lunch or dinner or even shopping. So I have picked up the phone and talked to them all and have made plans for almost every day. Just getting out and seeing old faces that have been neglected has been a great boost to my emotional state.

3. Organize the kids' rooms

We say we will do it every week, and we get busy. We have kids to raise, after all. But taking an afternoon to organize that room your kids love so much can be a great boost to your confidence this time of year. It is amazing what you can find, and you will know that your little ones will be coming home to a clean, organized room you lovingly did for them.

4. Get your nails done

I take my girls to get their nails done all the time. I almost never get mine done. First of all, I don't always have the extra money, and if I do, I spend it on them. Second of all, sitting for an hour and getting my nails done is at war with my internal conversation of not being selfish. So making it a point to take a little money to spend on myself and letting someone else take care of me for once can be a great way to pass the time in a positive way.

5. Do something you love

I almost always concede what I love to my children. If I want to sit and watch TV, we watch what they love. If I want to cook in the kitchen, I make what they love. It is what we do as moms. So this week, while I am only responsible for me and my dogs, I am going to do some things I love. Like eating cookies on the couch — gah! — while taking in every episode of Law & Order that has aired since my kids were born.

6. Don't drink too much

As much as I would love to drown my loneliness in mimosas every night, it is just not wise. Alcohol is a depressant, and drinking a lot of it can really make your mind wander into negative spaces. Especially if you are struggling with issues like dating, money or the stress of dealing with your ex. Have a drink here and there, but try not to overdo it. For your own sake!

I hope everyone has an amazing New Year's Eve, whether spending it alone with a Law & Order marathon like I am, or with friends that love them. But if you are a single mom, take time for yourself, and make time for celebrating all you do every other day throughout the year!

Why your anxiety is actually a superpower

Meet anxiety, your new superpower.

Wait, what? I know — I can hear the record scratch from here. For years we've been told that chronic anxiety is a problem and is responsible for many of the "lifestyle" diseases of our modern world. And make no mistake: Generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder are no joke (says the girl who's gone to the ER no less than four times because of panic attacks). But it turns out that having hair-trigger nerves may not be all bad. In fact, according to new research from France, anxiety-induced hyper-vigilance can be a gift.

More: 15 Gifs that show what growing up with anxiety is really like

The problem with our current view of anxiety is that we often forget where it comes from, according to the study, and that it once started out as an adaptive response. The jagged-edged emotion put our bodies on full alert, allowing early humans to sense danger and fight or flee before we were killed.

“Such quick reactions could have served an adaptive purpose for survival,” said lead author Dr. Marwa El Zein from the French Institute of Health and Medical Research. “For example, we evolved alongside predators that can attack, bite or sting. A rapid reaction to someone experiencing fear can help us avoid danger.”

Sure, having a huge reaction to a cobra seems legit. But do we really need this in our modern lives? Absolutely, El Zein said. While the actual threats are different — muggers in Puma sneaks instead of actual pumas, say — they're still very real and still require a quick response.

Thankfully our brains are up to the challenge. The researchers found that highly anxious subjects were able to ascertain a threatening face in a crowd in under 200 milliseconds, long before their conscious mind could be aware of it, and much faster than their more laid-back counterparts. And reactions were even faster if the threatening face was looking in the subject's direction. And this act-first, think-later instinct is exactly what anxiety does for us.

More: 5 Ways your chronic anxiety can work in your favor

The effect was so strong that it led the researchers to call it a "sixth sense." I can see how that would work. Remember the U.S. servicemen who tackled a would-be terrorist on a Paris train just seconds after he emerged from a bathroom holding an automatic weapon, saving hundreds of lives? The men reported that they reacted instinctively to the threat, pinning the man down almost before other passengers realized what was happening. While their quick reaction is certainly a testament to their military training, the scientists would say that anxiety also surely played a role by keeping the men alert.

As I read this research it occurred to me that maybe this isn't just a Special Forces kind of skill. Could it be that us regular folk don't need military training to learn to use anxiety as a tool but rather just permission to see it as a feature instead of a flaw? I've spent years trying to subdue my crazy anxiety, but perhaps the key, like with any good superpower, is to learn to fine-tune it. It's not bad that you and I are anxious — we just need to learn how to channel our anxiety into appropriate directions. And perhaps that starts with something as simple as seeing it as protective instead of painful.

Sexy book excerpt: Personal chef meets billionaire in this complicated romance

Read the excerpt from Holiday of Love:

Thunder loud enough to split her eardrums woke her up. As she sat up, lightning lit the cabin, and she gave an involuntary scream. She was not used to such storms.

Frank was beside her instantly, just sitting there, not touching her, but at the next flash of lightning she flung herself into his arms.

She had forgotten how good a man could feel. His big, hard, strong body enveloped her, and before she could breathe he pulled her head back and kissed her.

It was not a kiss from a cold man, and in that moment she believed what Julian had told her: that Frank did love her.

He was kissing her neck. The cabin was lit with lightning and the roar of the thunder seemed to echo within her.

More: The first look at Dirty Lies by Emma Hart

"Yes," she whispered as his hand went to her breast. "Yes, please make love to me."

Gently, he took her face in his hands, his eyes searching hers. "I have no protection with me."

For a moment she held her breath. She felt sure he didn't have a communicable disease. "I would like the consequences," she said, meaning how very much she'd like to have another child, to feel life growing within her, as she had with Eli.

"Yes," was all he said, then he was on her.

He was as hot in bed as he was cold out of it. She'd never seen him leering at her as men did, but he seemed to have noticed all of her body and to want her very much. Her gown was off her body in seconds and his hands were everywhere, caressing her, touching her, as though he wanted to memorize her.

Never had Randy enjoyed sex as much as she did with him. He seemed to know what she liked, seemed to find places she didn't know she wanted to be touched.

More: Baker meets bartender in this slightly sweet romance

Somewhere during the night she thought she heard him say "I love you," but she wasn't sure. For herself, she was too taken away with touching Frank to think any words. Leslie had always been a man who rushed sex, always in a hurry to get onto the next task. Or the next woman, Randy had often thought.

But Frank seemed to have all the time in the world. When he entered her, she was nearly screaming with desire. She held him inside her for a moment, loving how he filled her. When he began the velvet strokes in and out, she thought she might die with the pleasure.

Watching her, he seemed to know when she was ready to peak, then he thrust into her until she thought she might faint. "Baby," she whispered, not sure if it was a word she was calling him or a wish she wanted fulfilled.

Later, shaking in the aftermath, she snuggled in his arms and went to sleep, feeling safe and secure and at home.

But when she awoke the next day, she could tell by the light that it was afternoon and Frank was gone. She thought that perhaps he was outside, but he wasn't. There was no note, nothing. Only his unmade bed showed he'd been there at all.

An hour after she woke, Sandy appeared with the horses and said he'd been instructed to take her home.

About the author: Jude Deveraux is the author of more than 40 New York Times bestsellers, including Moonlight in the Morning, The Scent of Jasmine, Scarlet Nights, Days of Gold, Lavender Morning, Return to Summerhouse and Secrets. To date, there are more than 60 million copies of her books in print worldwide. To learn more, visit Jude-Deveraux.com.

How to pick a champagne you won't regret come Jan 1

First, let's establish what real champagne is. Real champagne only comes out of Champagne, France. Anything else is technically not champagne. There are some good American sparkling wines that are delightful and use the same process as real champagne, though they are still technically called sparkling wine.

You can learn the detailed process for creating authentic champagne, but really all you need to know is that sparkling wines made in this method are much better and are much less likely to give you a hangover. This is because sparkling wines not made in the true champagne method are injected with carbon dioxide rather than allowed to ferment and produce bubbles naturally in the bottle. Granted, the amount you drink, no matter good or bad, is always a factor in the hangover process too.

Prosecco is a less expensive option that is somewhere in between the champagne method and the injecting of carbon dioxide. Prosecco is an Italian sparkling wine made somewhat in the champagne way, but instead of allowing the yeast and sugar to produce carbon dioxide in individual bottles, the entire batch of sparkling wine is made in large covered barrels. They tend to be sweeter than true champagnes but are a much better option than the injected cheap stuff you buy for $4 at the grocery store.

Image: Kaleigh McMordie/SheKnows

Speaking of price, you don't have to spend hundreds on your NYE bubbly, but price is often an indicator of quality. Since true champagne must be aged for years and imported from France, it is no doubt more expensive. You'll typically pay upwards of $40 per bottle. Sparkling wines made in the champagne method will run you anywhere from $20 to over $100, depending on the rarity of the bottle and the quality. Prosecco is a bargain at around $10 to $20. Anything less than $10 is likely to be of poorer quality and may give you a pretty bad headache come Jan. 1.

Another quick method to determine quality of your sparkling wine is bubble size. The rule of thumb is the smaller the bubbles, the better. So, you want something with almost imperceptible bubbles. Giant bubbles are likely to be hangover-inducing.

Image: Kaleigh McMordie/SheKnows

I hope I've given you at least a little guidance on choosing the right bubbly to ring in the New Year. If you need more assistance, I'm sure a wine expert at stores like Total Wine would be more than happy to help you choose the right bottle! You can also find my top picks in each of the categories I've discussed on my blog, Lively Table. Cheers to 2016 from me to you!

Bristol Palin's baby pic sparks intense debate about who the father is (PHOTO)

More: Bristol Palin got an amazing early Christmas present (PHOTO)

Who's the father of her new baby, Sailor?

Palin, who gave birth to the baby girl on Dec. 23 and announced Sailor's arrival on Christmas Eve, shared a sweet snap of her new bundle of joy on Instagram Wednesday, showing the newborn swaddled in a warm blanket. "So in love," she captioned the pic, along with a heart emoji.

Bristol Palin baby pic

Bristol Palin baby pic

While many of the comments on the photo were about how cute little Sailor is, many of them asked the question a lot of us have wondered since Palin announced her pregnancy.

More: Bristol Palin's latest baby bump pic attacked by haters (PHOTO)

"Well when do we find out who the father is?" one commenter wrote. Another added, "My problem is if you support marriage between a man and a woman, if you support the nuclear family, if you respect your beautiful baby has a father who had to contribute to this miracle... why would you not say who else's beautiful baby this is. I am certain he loves this baby very much also. Is he supposed to just stay out of the picture? Doesn't sound like everything the Palins stand for." Another wrote, "I'm just saying it's sad to see no mention of the father whatsoever. It's sad. I don't care what the media says at all. I am going off of her posts on Instagram."

Palin announced her pregnancy about a month after calling off her engagement to Marine and Medal of Honor recipient Dakota Meyer, raising questions about whether Meyer or someone else was the father of the baby. When Sailor was born, Meyer shared photos of her on his Twitter, calling the new baby a "blessing" and seemingly providing a clue that the baby is his.

Bristol Palin's ex fiance shares photo of her new baby

Bristol Palin's ex fiance shares photo of her new baby

More: We may finally know who is the father of Bristol Palin's baby (PHOTO)

Do you think Dakota Meyer is the father of Bristol Palin's baby? Sound off down in the comments.

How to avoid getting stuck with a massive Uber bill on NYE

Michelle Matton remembers ordering an Uber on New Year's Eve at around 2 a.m. to take her three friends from her Ottawa home in Centretown to the Elmvale area, near South Ottawa. Matton told the Ottawa Citizen the trip generally cost about $20, but was shocked to get a whopping bill for $184.43.

“I feel taken advantage of,” said Matton. “A 900 per cent price increase is unacceptable. I could have rented a private driver for the night at that price.”

Xavier Van Chau, a spokesperson for Uber, explained to the Ottawa Citizen that Matton’s trip was a result of “dynamic pricing.” He said she would have been notified about the surge pricing on her wireless device, but given that there was a lot going on when she ordered the Uber (it was NYE after all), Matton said she didn't notice a warning.

More: Jennifer Lawrence reveals why she hates New Year's Eve

Surge pricing explained

Don't fall into the same trap this NYE as Matton. You can expect "surge pricing" during times like NYE when demand outstrips the available drivers. “During times of peak demand, or when there are not enough drivers on the system, fares increase,” Van Chau told Global News last year. “As you see hot spots emerge in a city where demand is quickly outpacing supply, that’s when the dynamic pricing model kicks in."

While it's tough to pin down exact numbers on what surge pricing will be in any given Canadian city, Canadians shouldn't be surprised to see fares knocked up by sevenfold or even more during high traffic hours.

More: 8 Ways to make New Year's Eve with kids rock

How to avoid ridiculously high Uber fares

Uber recently published a New Year's Eve Guide, to help you know what to expect when you're out partying. Follow these tips to avoid a nasty surprise that'll deplete your checking account at the end of the night:

  • Don't order an Uber before checking the fare estimate: "Surge pricing shouldn’t be a surprise," writes Uber. "Let’s toast to you running a Fare Estimate in the app before you ride."
  • Plan your night strategically: "To avoid the highest fares, head to the festivities early or catch a ride right after midnight," writes Uber.
  • Don't get stuck picking up the tab: "Use fare split if you’re rolling with the whole party or take uberPOOL if it’s just you and one friend and it’s available in your city," the company suggests.

And if worse comes to worse, you can always take a cab or roll with a DD. Because you deserve to save your money for more fun things, like that extra nice bottle of bubbly.

More: 10 Inspirational quotes to ring in the new year right

Why I've vowed to make myself a priority in my own life

I was increasingly concerned about developing diabetes due to my dysfunctional relationship with sugar and my waistline being well into the danger zone. I did not look or feel good, and had crossed the line of justifying it with “everyone gains a little weight in their 40s” — because it was more than a little. At night, I’d vow to do better the next day.

The next day, the cycle repeated.

I had been laid off in 2014 and was worried about job security, though I'd been rehired as a contractor. I put not only my job requirements, but also others’ needs before my own. For the first time ever my three kids were in three different schools. Since one of the kids needed a ride every day, I lost two-plus hours daily driving him to and from school and extracurricular activities.

Midyear, during a short grown-ups-only vacation to Aruba — from which I have no pictures of myself because I was hiding from the camera — I met a serene woman who ran a smoothie shack on the beach. For four blissful days (sadly, I couldn’t find the time to take a whole week off at once), my husband and I drank a smoothie a day, stared at the ocean and walked up and down the beach. Having removed myself from the chaos of my everyday life, I felt like I could breathe again. I realized that I couldn’t keep taking my health for granted or I would indeed end up with diabetes, high blood pressure or needing a knee replacement — or maybe all of the above.

When we returned home, I traded my coffee pot for a blender and began making my own smoothies. I eliminated caffeine and sugar. I also made some other dietary changes such as consuming more plant-based foods and far fewer animal products and processed foods.

I carved out time to exercise, primarily walking or hiking with one or more of our dogs. I usurped my Fitbit from one of the kids — who wasn’t really using it anyway — and recommitted to my 10,000-steps-a-day goal. This has become increasingly difficult with the shorter days, but that often means I am walking laps around the hockey rink during practice or warm-ups.

Here are the top five things I learned:

1 .It’s OK to put my own convenience first sometimes

My oldest now rides a bus to school in the morning. Even though I have to pay for it, my time is worth it. "How long is he on the bus?” one of my friends asked when I told her we had to be at the bus stop (15 minutes away from our house) at 6:45 a.m. “I don’t know, and it’s not my problem,” I replied.

2. Not everything about my job is an emergency

It’s OK to reschedule a meeting to accommodate an exercise class. I work at home and one of the benefits of doing that is supposed to be flexibility.

3. People might not like it when you change

When I posted pictures of smoothies on my social media networks, several of my friends made negative comments about how unappetizing they looked. One of my kids told me, “No offense mom, but I’m unfollowing you.”

“That’s fine, hon. Maybe we can think of a family hashtag in case you ever want to see any of my other posts.”

4. My husband lamented I was no longer sharing meals with him

I had a long heart-to-heart (actually, it was more like a “hear-me-out tirade,” where I sputtered nonstop for at least 10 minutes) about how important my new regimen was to me, my health and our future together.

5. Caffeine and sugar are poisonous to me

I have to put a stake in the ground, claim the time and make self-care a priority.

I lost 30 pounds and reduced my waist by 6 inches in the first three months of my new regimen. I haven’t found the need to weigh or measure in a while — I am also not postponing my enjoyment of life until I hit a magic number on the scale.

Oprah's new weight loss commercial is still missing the point

“Inside every overweight woman is a woman she knows she can be. Many times you look in the mirror, and you don’t even recognize your own self because you got lost, buried in the weight that you carry,” she says in the ad. “Nothing you’ve ever been through is wasted. So every time I tried and failed, every time I tried again, and every time I tried again, has brought me to this most powerful moment to say, ‘If not now, when?’”

These words are motivating and relatable. But while I think Weight Watchers can be a tool in your toolbox just like MyFitnessPal (my personal favorite) or SparkPeople, which also help you understand energy in (food) vs. energy out (activity), weight and weight loss are so much more complex than that.

If you are going to have success when it comes to your weight, you first have to acknowledge how you got into this predicament in the first place. Your eating habits and weight gain did not happen overnight, and it won’t come off overnight. Your journey to weight gain needs to be acknowledged. Your relationship with food and your body needs to be reflected on. Only then can real change happen.

Once you are clear on how you got to where you are, then a clear plan on how to get to a new place can be made. Just like with any life change, whether it's your finances, a career change, starting a family — any big change — planning will make all the difference. There is a saying that my husband loves to quote, The 7-P axiom: Prior perfect planning prevents piss-poor performance.

I used a tool called S.M.A.R.T. goal setting.

S is for specific. Be as specific and detailed as you can with your goals. Include who, what, when and where you will accomplish the goal.

M is for measurable. Quantify your goal. Set a weight loss goal in pounds lost or an activity goal in miles walked by a certain date.

A is for attainable. Does the goal align with your core values and vision of your future self? Not what you think you should do or be, but what you envision yourself to be? Do you have the right attitude and skills to reach the goal?

R is for realistic. Is this goal truly possible given your work schedule and family life? Do you need to make the goal less difficult so you can achieve it?

T is for timely. Give yourself a deadline to reach your big goal, and then create mini goals to perform each week to reach that goal.

Then get your calendar out, and schedule in the time you will need to reach the goal. Time for activity, time for shopping, time for cooking all need to be scheduled.

I have a degree in nutrition, have read hundreds of diet and nutrition books and have tried many diets to lose weight. It wasn't until I took the time to reflect, make a plan and then resolve to stick to it that I was able to lose the weight and maintain that weight loss for life.

Now that several years have gone by and my new eating habits are second nature, I can't think of living and eating any other way. Making diet and lifestyle changes was truly life changing, but I can’t think of a better life to live.

As an aside, this tool is used by corporations, universities, governments — organizations all over the world use this tool and find it effective.

Do you need help planning your weight loss goals? Sign up for my newsletter to get tips and recipes every month. Or set up a FREE initial assessment.

What do you think of Oprah's new commercial?

Oprah Weight Loss

Oprah Weight Loss

Self-cleaning jeans are an actual thing — how to get them

There's a good reason why you can find a gazillion articles online about how often to clean certain articles of clothing — and why jeans are especially perplexing. As it turns out, the less often you throw your denim skinny pants or trousers into the washing machine, the longer they're able to retain their shape and hue. With that said, you can't never wash your pants because... ick. So, what's the magic number? Every three wears? Five? 10? (For the record, most fashion experts agree anywhere between five and six wears works best).

More: How to tuck non-skinny jeans into boots

But one innovative denim brand has found a way to eliminate the guess work when it comes to washing your jeans — ODO Denim claims it has developed the first self-cleaning pair of jeans and T-shirts on the market, which could revolutionize the way clothing is made. With 30 days left to go on its Kickstarter campaign, ODO has already racked up 773 backs who have pledged more than $100,000 to meet its modest $10,000 goal — so it's safe to say lots of folks are excited about this idea.

ODO founder Salman Chaudry says he felt compelled to find a more sustainable solution to the creation of jeans, which require a lot of water to manufacture. Chaudry also knew most people only wash their jeans to get rid of sweat and stains — so if he could figure out a way of eliminating those two culprits from a pair of denim, there would rarely, if ever, be a need to wash them again.

More: 16 New Year's nails that are sure to shine up your festivities

And then he had the genius idea of reinventing the wheel — by weaving the same silver into denim that is used on NASA space suits — silver that can kill bacteria and odors. But don't worry: You won't look like you're headed out to the club every time you pull on your ODO jeans. The silver is woven inside of the jean's fabric so that it's permanent — you won't actually see yourself sparkle at 8 in the morning.

The result: Neither your spilled cup of coffee, nor spilled glass of red wine (hey, some of us are just a little too careless with our drinks) will affect your jeans — the liquid will actually slide right off the fabric without penetrating it. You'll also be able to go through the entire day at work without smelling like you rolled into the office from your local bar. The price for such a luxury is less than you probably think: A pair of ODO jeans costs about $95.

More: 7 Brands you didn't know made wedding dresses

And there's more self-cleaning goodness headed our way. ODO has also created self-cleaning T-shirts that can repel liquids and maintain their freshness, no matter how much you sweat. Check out their amazing promo video:

ODO denim

ODO denim

Imagine a world where laundry day can be replaced with pizza day, gym day or sitting-on-my-butt-reading-a-book day. Thanks to forward-thinking fashion companies like ODO, which is offering a way to help the environment and save us time, energy and money, that dream may soon become a reality.

Teresa Giudice sends first post-prison message to fans (VIDEO)

Real Housewives of New Jersey star Giudice released a video thanking fans for their support and showing great optimism for the new year, despite the fact that husband Joe's turn in prison is coming up in the next few months.

More: Joe Giudice accused of cheating on Teresa just days before her prison release

Teresa Giudice video

Teresa Giudice video

More: Teresa Giudice's prison homecoming wasn't nearly as private as you think it was

"Hi everyone, I'm back! I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year," Teresa said in the exclusive video message to Bravo's The Daily Dish. "It's gonna be a great 2016. Love, love, love you all."

Just because Teresa is out of prison doesn't mean she is free to come and go as she pleases. She is currently under house arrest and must get approval from her parole officer before going anywhere.

More: RHONJ's Jim Marchese furious over Bravo's decision about Teresa Giudice

"She asks permission to go places," a source told People magazine. "The probation officer then gives her the parameters of that. He will ask her which stores she is going to and then says, 'You can go from this time to this time.' She can go to work, go to the doctor or go see her lawyer – all with the officer's permission."

She is also allowed to go to certain social events with her probation officer's permission, like her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga's Christmas Eve party.

Teresa is under house arrest until Feb. 5. Joe is due to begin his 41-month prison sentence in March.

More: Joe Giudice reveals what will happen to the family if he is deported

Real Housewives slideshow

My C-section was the best thing I could have done for my baby

And that was my plan.

But two weeks before my first baby was born, my OB/GYN told me that there was a very high chance I would need a C-section due to scar tissue formed from a pre-cancerous cryo procedure I had done in my early twenties.

It was time for a new plan.

More: The truth about the dolphin-assisted birth that made waves around the world

That was okay, I didn’t mind. A C-section it would be.

But that plan didn’t sit well with many of my friends. Many moms who had birthed vaginally said things to me like, “Oh they don’t know the techniques that midwives know” or “They’re only doing that to bill insurance for more money.”

I tried not to let their opinions influence me, but that’s impossible when you are already terrified about birthing and becoming a mother. You look to more experienced mothers for advice. You instantly trust that they know more than you do.

So I questioned my OB/GYN. I told her that I didn’t want a C-section, that I wanted to try a vaginal birth. She was extremely hesitant, explaining the dangers and asking me questions. But I kept at it.

I kept hearing the voices of all the mothers who told me what I should do. And the doubt in my ability to know what was right for me grew and grew.

But when I went into labor, they were wrong. So wrong, that not only could my child have died, but me as well.

After 12 hours of laboring every two to five minutes, seven of those hours without an epidural because I wasn’t dilated enough, my doctor finally walked in the door, a look on her face I had never seen before.

“You aren’t dilating past three centimeters,” she said. “Your baby’s heart rate is dropping, as well as yours. If we don’t get this baby out, you both are in serious danger.”

More: Couple sets a new bar for viral pregnancy announcements (PHOTO)

She didn’t have to say more. I knew what happened if a person’s heart rate dropped. I knew the brain damage, the lack of oxygen, all the consequences that could happen. I knew because she told them to me in her office two weeks before. I just believed others over her. Over myself.

I nodded and told her I was ready for the C-section.

It wasn’t about anyone else in that moment. What mothers would say about why or what judgments I would receive. It was about saving my child and my own life. That choice was the easiest one I had ever made.

Thirty minutes later, I held my daughter in my arms. My tired, exhausted, drained arms. And I realized something.

As a parent I would be pushed and pulled by all kinds of people. And it was up to me, in all my confusion and uncertainty, to do what I felt was right. To believe in my ability to make a decision, even if it wasn’t the right one for someone I cared about and valued.

More: My sexy OB-GYN was a total distraction during my pregnancy

When it came time to birth my second child, there was no question. I walked into the hospital, ready and sure of what was waiting for me (though I still hoped someone would give me a shot of gin). I didn’t ask anyone what I should do, didn’t poll other mothers about VBACs and natural birthing. I signed the papers for my C-section and soon after held my son.

I held him knowing that I had made the right choice for me.

Cheesy pasta-sausage bake: The dish you want before making any resolutions

Fusilli Bake
Image: Katerina Petrovska/SheKnows

While feeling like our home will never be uncluttered or clean again, because kids, and spending approximately 48 minutes trying to clean up all the Christmas glitter, because kids (two girls), I headed to the kitchen to do what I actually know how to do: Bake pasta with sausage.

Fusilli Bake
Image: Katerina Petrovska/SheKnows

This is the ideal meal if you’re short on time but need something that looks totally fancy and is completely filling. It's so delicious because the filling is mixed with a bit of veggies as well as cheese and tomato sauce, really allowing the sausage to shine through. It’s then covered with more sauce and more cheese, and then it’s finally ready for domination.

Fusilli Bake
Image: Katerina Petrovska/SheKnows

Fusilli pasta bake with ground turkey sausage recipe

Serves 4

Prep time: 10 minutes | Bake time: 15 minutes | Inactive time: 10 minutes | Total time: 35 minutes

Ingredients:

  • 1 (500-gram) box fusilli pasta
  • 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
  • 1 pound ground turkey sausage
  • Salt and fresh ground pepper, to taste
  • 1 yellow onion, thinly sliced
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1 sprig rosemary
  • 1 small zucchini, sliced into thin rounds
  • 1 small yellow squash, sliced into thin rounds (you can also use any other vegetables you have on hand — sliced bell peppers, broccoli florets, cauliflower florets, etc.)
  • 1 (24-ounce) jar tomato sauce
  • 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese, divided

Directions:

  1. Bring a pot of water to a boil. Add the pasta, and cook according to the directions on the package.
  2. Heat your oven to 400 degrees F.
  3. Lightly grease a baking dish with cooking spray, and set it aside.
  4. In a large skillet, heat 1 tablespoon of extra-virgin olive oil.
  5. Break up the turkey sausage meat, and add it to the skillet. Season the meat with salt and pepper, and continue to cook until browned on all sides.
  6. Drain, and transfer the cooked sausage to a bowl.
  7. To the same skillet, add the rest of the olive oil, and cook over medium heat.
  8. Add the onions, garlic and rosemary, and cook for 1 minute.
  9. Add the sliced zucchini and yellow squash. Continue to cook for 4 – 5 minutes or until the vegetables are tender, stirring frequently.
  10. Stir in the cooked sausage and the jar of tomato sauce. Continue to cook for 3 minutes.
  11. In the meantime, drain the pasta, and add it to the skillet. Stir in 1/2 of the grated Parmesan cheese, and remove the skillet from the heat.
  12. Transfer the pasta mixture to the previously prepared baking dish.
  13. Smooth the top, and sprinkle with the remaining cheese.
  14. Bake for 15 minutes.
  15. Remove the dish from oven, and let it stand for 5 – 10 minutes.

More comfort food recipes

Slow cooker meatball soup — your favorite pasta dish, reimagined
Creamy vegan mac and no cheese will fool even the biggest dairy lovers
Company-worthy comfort food: Creamy butternut-pancetta pappardelle

Kim and Kourtney Kardashian are at war over a man

The hot and heavy hookup, seen by most as Kourtney's huge rebound from her baby daddy, Scott Disick, is causing a major rift between her and sister Kim, according to a source close to the clan.

"Kim has told Kourtney she's a disgrace and it's lame and disgusting," the insider told Radar Online about Kim's feelings on big sister Kourtney's May-December romance.

"Kim has been begging Kourtney to think of the kids instead of constantly trying to get back at Scott Disick with all these 'look at me' outings and sleazy late nights with Justin and other young kids," the source said, probably referring to the reports that Kourtney has also been tied to Sean Combs' son, Quincy. Kim is totally "grossed out to see this type of behavior from her big sister, of all people," the insider added.

But her own sister may be the least of Kourtney's worries. Bieber is currently on a hot tropical vacay, and he definitely is not alone. Joining him on the family vacation is gorgeous blonde Hailey Baldwin, and the two longtime friends looked awfully cozy together.

More: 6 Things Scott Disick and Justin Bieber actually have in common

Justin Bieber Hailey Baldwin pic

Justin Bieber Hailey Baldwin pic

Justin Bieber Hailey Baldwin video

Justin Bieber Hailey Baldwin video

More: Scott Disick reportedly dissed Justin Bieber at Chris Brown's party

Strange mating habits.

Actually, Baldwin might have an ulterior motive for her presence in paradise. According to another source, Kendall Jenner stepped in and begged her friend to put a stop to the romance between Bieber and Kourtney.

"Kendall has been pressuring Hailey to talk to Justin about Kourtney, and how much drama it's causing between her and Scott. Kendall thinks Kourtney and Scott still have a chance, but not as long as Justin's in the picture. She's hoping Hailey can knock some sense into his head," an insider told Hollywood Life.

Kourtney has not commented on any of it.

kourtney and scott through the years

What your emoji use says about your sex life

Even if your intention is just to be cute or funny, science says you might have ulterior, sexy motives under that winky face. According to a recent study by the popular dating site Match.com, singles who use emojis regularly have sex on the brain a lot more often than those who don't use them as regularly.

emoji use and sex life
Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

More: New emoji keyboard will meet all your sexting needs

They surveyed 5,000 users on their site and found that the more frequently singles used emojis in their texts, the more they were having sexy thoughts. According to Match.com, people who use more than one emoji in every text are thinking about sex several times a day.

There may also be a correlation here between overuse of emojis and sexual frustration, but that's just my personal opinion. I can't think of a better way to turn off a prospective date than by flooding them with various smiley faces and eggplant pics.

However, according to this data, frequent use of emojis in texts is a relatively common practice among singles — 36 to 40 percent of those surveyed said they use more than one emoji in every text they send. This is also the same group that thinks about sex several times a day. So I suppose the real question is, which came first? The sexual eagerness or the impulsive need to shoot out tiny pictures?

More: Forget words, it's all about the emoji keyboard now — and it's brilliant

Generally speaking, emojis are becoming more and more a primary method of communication, especially among the millennial population. Millennials gravitate toward these little pictures as well as to short videos because they can say a lot without really having to say anything at all. It's why apps like Snapchat and Vine are so catchy — they allow you to be hyper expressive using mere seconds of moving imagery. Thus it makes sense that singles (who are predominantly of the millennial generation) would use emojis to flirt rather than wordy texts.

So what emojis are the single kids using to get their flirt on these days? Here are the most popular ones, according to Match.com:

1. The "winky face"

Image: giphy

By far the most favored, 53 percent of women and men claim to use this emoji.

2. The "blushing smiley face"

Image: Giphy

A little discrepancy here: 41 percent of women use this smiley face compared to only 33 percent of men. I suppose guys telling us to "smile" finally worked...

3. The "kissing winky face"

Image: Giphy

Slightly bolder than just the wink alone, this one is used by 24 percent of women and 30 percent of men.

And believe it or not, there are emojis that Match singles would never dare to use while textually flirting. Those that got the highest votes were the "see no evil" monkey (31 percent), the "lipstick kiss" (34 percent) and the "sassy girl" emoticon (39 percent). Because apparently nobody likes a sassy girl on a first date.

More: Vagina emojis are here, and they are glorious

So yes, using emojis seems to denote some level of excitement, especially if you're trying to appeal to someone you like. But does that mean it's always sexual excitement? Of course not. Or at least that's what I'll be telling myself the next time I get 12 emojis in one text from my soon-to-be mother-in-law.

Teen Mom's Maci Bookout is itching to get married, but her BF isn't

More: Maci Bookout's new clothing line is causing huge controversy (PHOTOS)

"It's so to the point where I'm like, 'Really, what is the deal?'" Bookout said about her longtime boyfriend, Taylor McKinney, and the fact that he has yet to propose.

Bookout and McKinney have been together since 2012, and have a daughter, Jayde, together, who was born in May. But even though the Teen Mom Season 5 finale last spring showed McKinney ring shopping, he still hasn't gotten down on one knee.

According to Bookout, it's only a matter of time.

"Marriage is something I want in my life," Bookout shared in her new interview with Us Weekly. "In my opinion — and I think Taylor would agree — we pretty much are already married. So it's kind of like, 'All right, what are we waiting on?' I'm confused."

More: Teen Mom's Maci Bookout reveals details on Bentley's hospital visit (PHOTO)

Whether McKinney proposes soon or not, Bookout does note that they live together and that they "make a really good team," raising both Jayde and Bentley, Bookout's 7-year-old son with her ex-fiancé, Ryan Edwards.

"I don't think we would be able to do everything we have going on if we didn't have each other," she added.

And Bookout hasn't been shy about her feelings for her longtime beau. "I got lost in you and it felt exactly like being found," she wrote next to a picture of her and McKinney together on Instagram on October. Bookout and McKinney make an adorable couple and seem super happy, so we can't help but wonder along with her, what's the holdup?

More: Teen Mom's Maci Bookout engagement rumors refueled by new diamond ring (PHOTO)

Do you think Maci Bookout and Taylor McKinney will be engaged soon? What do you think is taking him so long to get down on one knee? Head down to the comments and share your thoughts.

Smoking around your pets may be hurting them more than you realize

The study, conducted by scientists at the University of Glasgow, shows that pets may be at an even greater risk than humans when exposed to secondhand smoke. According to their research, pets exposed to poisonous secondhand fumes are at higher risk for a multitude of health issues like cancer, cell damage and weight gain.

After examining the testicles of recently neutered dogs, that they found gain more weight after the procedure if they live with smokers, they found a higher instance of a gene that's a marker of cell damage in dogs that live with smokers than in those that don't.

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In an interview with The Telegraph, Clare Knottenbelt, the university's professor of small animal medicine and oncology, said, "We have already shown that dogs can take in significant amounts of smoke when living in a smoking household. Our current study in cats… shows that cats are even more affected."

She goes on to explain that they believe cats may take more of the toxins into their body because they do significantly more self-grooming than dogs. Think about that the next time your sweet, sweet furbaby (dog or cat) shows their undying affection and loyalty by licking your hands or face — which is covered with all the yellow tinged residue smokers are all too familiar with battling.

It's called thirdhand smoke, which according to the Mayo Clinic is a relatively new concept, which would explain why I'd never heard of it. But apparently it's not only a thing, it may be more dangerous than secondhand smoke, especially for pets that usually have a lower weight and may spend more time at their owners' sides. Thirdhand smoke is the residual nicotine together with all those nasty chemicals they warn you about that's left on your skin, hair and clothes and on surfaces where you smoke, which if you smoke inside, includes the furniture and other items in your home (drapes, beds, carpet… even the dust that builds up on your coffee table).

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It builds up over time. It can't be eliminated by simply opening a window. It can be inhaled, ingested or absorbed into skin. And it presents a significant risk to a pet when most of their lives are spent in the very environment that could lead to deadly health issues. Not only do pets spend more time closer to the carpet, they're more apt to lick for self-grooming or chew or inspect with their mouths.

The study did find that smoking outside reduces the risk to your pet, but it doesn't eliminate it altogether. They also found that limiting your use of tobacco products to 10 per day reduces the nicotine levels found in their fur significantly, though the levels are still higher than those of animals living in non-smoking homes.

More: The scary reason you should think twice about adopting sibling puppies

The full details of the study are expected to be released in 2016, but the little I know now certainly has me thinking. I always assumed pets could be negatively impacted by secondhand smoke just like humans. That's why I smoke outside. But this whole time I've been bringing in toxic chemicals, exposing my pets without knowing it. I had to euthanize my precious Mosby earlier this year. He was 16. Could he have lived to be 20 if I didn't smoke? What am I doing to my new furbabies? They aren't even a year old yet.

Everyone always wonders why smokers smoke knowing what we know. But it's often easier to quit for someone else's benefit than our own… even a pet. Maybe this is just the kick in the ass I need to quit for good this time.

How My Bum Eye Helped Me Look in the Mirror Again

"What do you hate about your body?"

My Weight Watchers leader posed this question to our group at the opening of a recent meeting. A supportive group of survivors, we were understandably confused.

This meeting was our sanctuary. To encourage us to be openly critical of parts of our bodies was incredibly uncomfortable, like ripping a loose fart during a quiet moment in a Sunday church service.

The exercise encouraged each person to write down the parts of their bodies that garnered the most criticism from that mean inner voice that we all seem to have. I held the scrap of paper and stared at it, my mind as blank as its white surface.

I have not regularly looked in a mirror since I was a kid. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I learned not to look too carefully at my own reflection, as I was afraid to see the unearned shame and guilt I carried. In addition, I simply couldn't see very well.

I used to avoid the mirror

Image: Augustin Ruiz via Flickr

I was born with a permanent cataract in my right eye. Colors appear dimmer and I have an intense sensitivity to light. My depth perception is screwed up, making night driving difficult. Eventually I will go blind in this eye, probably sooner than later.

And do you know how often I think about it?

Never.

I don't stare in the mirror and berate my right eye because it isn't what I imagine it could be. I don't call it names and complain to others about it and allow it to hold me back.

In fact, I don't think about it at all. I use my bum eye the best that I can and I appreciate it, because for the most part, it works.

Why can't I think that way about the rest of my body? Why can't I employ that kind of appreciation for what my body looks like and does for me?

It is easy to look in the mirror and be meaner than we would be to anyone else. It is frighteningly simple to let our inner critic snark at our squishy guts or wing-like triceps or dimply thighs.

I refuse to give that inner critic voice my attention, because my body continues to serve me without fail. I nurtured two humans inside this body, walked hundreds of miles, and traveled to Africa. I have arms that can embrace people and a heart that continues to pump and a brain that sometimes forgets how good I've got it. And I have a fantastic ass for wicked good dance moves.

I recently purchased a full-length mirror for the first time in my life. I hung it in a prominent place and practice looking into it.

I appreciate my body because it works hard. I have scars and bruises and curves and sags. I have earned every one of my marks of survival, and they are beautiful.

And I've got this bum eye that still shows me the world, at least for now.

What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?

We have all had a broken heart at some point in their lives. The decision to add another person into our life and to work on what we feel will be the beginning of a wonderful chapter in our life. We put our best foot forward, pledge to do our best, jump in with both feet and pray to God, Jesus, Mary and all of the disciples that this will be the one, this will work this will be your forever. And then all hell breaks loose.

When the relationship ends we are left with the hindsight of thinking first what we did wrong and then thinking what the hell happened? We want to talk to the other person and see what they have to say but then we don’t want to talk to them, what are we feeling hurt, ambivalence, shame, frustration, probably all of that and a little more. At the end of the day, when a relationship ends the question of relationship mistakes is bound to come up. It doesn’t matter who makes the mistakes, but it happens.

Ending the relationship can be hard. Who gets custody of what we created when we were together? What happens to the good memories? What do you do when the other person doesn’t have the courage or the common sense to talk about it or to give you an opportunity to learn to provide a chance for closure? The question and the answer is found in on of the classic Motown songs recorded by Jimmy Ruffin:

"What becomes of the brokenhearted?

Who has love that’s now departed

I know I’ve got to find;

Some kind of peace of mind

Maybe……"

What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?

The answer should never be "maybe". Maybe the answer should be "soon, but not right now". Not all relationships end with a broken heart, but many end with unanswered questions and shattered dreams. Too often, there were signs along the way that the relationship was not what you needed, or one or both of the people in the relationship had grown or changed or was never fully committed to the relationship in the first place.

Most of my relationships have ended on relatively good terms. We were both adult enough to recognize what was right or wrong and were both able to move forward and wish each other well. There are times however when relationships end on not-so-good terms and people get petty and spiteful and childish. The bad endings are the ones that require the most work and follow through in putting your life and your sanity back on track.

Ultimately, in any relationship it is important to allow yourself all of the time you need to heal. How you heal is up to you, but healing requires work. Give yourself the time and attention you need to focus on the things that are important to you, your other relationships, your work, your creative outlets. Reorder your priorities and allow your self time to make the shift from what was once important to you to what can be important to you now.

Make time to do things you did not have time for when you were in the relationship. Be a little selfish, and be extra gentle with yourself, with your needs and your desires. Take the best care of yourself that you can and do not allow feelings to consume you or overwhelm you. Take the time to learn the lesson that was there for you to learn. What did this experience teach you about yourself, about others, about how you are present in relationships? What is it that you were to learn?

Finally, know that you are already ok. You may not feel it, you may think you will hurt indefinitely, but you are all ready ok, you always were.